Theology of the Body
Week 7
Purity of Heart: Living TOB in our Daily Lives
“This is my command: Love one another as I love you.” John 15:12
“I call heaven and earth to witness against you this day, that have set before you life and death, blessing and curse; therefore choose life.” Deuteronomy 30:19
“It should cause no surprise that the church, and less than her Divine Founder, is destined to be a ‘sign of contradiction.’” (Luke 2:34) Humane Vitae
Week 7
Purity of Heart: Living TOB in our Daily Lives
“This is my command: Love one another as I love you.” John 15:12
“I call heaven and earth to witness against you this day, that have set before you life and death, blessing and curse; therefore choose life.” Deuteronomy 30:19
“It should cause no surprise that the church, and less than her Divine Founder, is destined to be a ‘sign of contradiction.’” (Luke 2:34) Humane Vitae
Recap of The Language of the Body
1. What is a sacrament? It is a physical sign that points to a spiritual reality. It can also convey God’s grace
2. There are 2 parts: the US to GOD (the physical) and the GOD to US (the spiritual)
3. The body is a physical sign that communicates a spiritual mystery à God’s Love
4. Sexual union, the two becoming “one flesh” makes visible the invisible mystery of God’s Love…this is huge!
5. God created sex to point to who He is: a communion of persons. God created sex to image His love with us (showing us that His plan is to be united to us forever…) and to give us grace
6. God says His love is FREE, TOTAL, FAITHFUL, FRUITFUL and he showed us by dying on the cross
7. We also see this definition of love in the marriage vows
8. Many people have told me, “I want to wait until I’m married to have sex, but I don’t know why.” Here is the WHY: Sex is saying your wedding vows with your body!
9. Words without actions are a waste, and God created something so beautiful, so amazing to do with our bodies that would demonstrate our vows to one another – freely, totally, faithfully, fruitfully
10. Every time a married couple has sex, they are renewing their wedding vows!
11. Remember Tobit 8:7-9?
12. Our bodies speak a spiritual language and not only can they tell the truth, but they can also lie…
1. What is a sacrament? It is a physical sign that points to a spiritual reality. It can also convey God’s grace
2. There are 2 parts: the US to GOD (the physical) and the GOD to US (the spiritual)
3. The body is a physical sign that communicates a spiritual mystery à God’s Love
4. Sexual union, the two becoming “one flesh” makes visible the invisible mystery of God’s Love…this is huge!
5. God created sex to point to who He is: a communion of persons. God created sex to image His love with us (showing us that His plan is to be united to us forever…) and to give us grace
6. God says His love is FREE, TOTAL, FAITHFUL, FRUITFUL and he showed us by dying on the cross
7. We also see this definition of love in the marriage vows
8. Many people have told me, “I want to wait until I’m married to have sex, but I don’t know why.” Here is the WHY: Sex is saying your wedding vows with your body!
9. Words without actions are a waste, and God created something so beautiful, so amazing to do with our bodies that would demonstrate our vows to one another – freely, totally, faithfully, fruitfully
10. Every time a married couple has sex, they are renewing their wedding vows!
11. Remember Tobit 8:7-9?
12. Our bodies speak a spiritual language and not only can they tell the truth, but they can also lie…
Directing our desires
1. In order to date the best way possible you must understand yourself and your desires
2. We not only need to know how to control our desires but also how to direct them towards the true, good, and beautiful
3. Dating may be fun, but it’s purpose is much, much deeper…
Chastity: The Path to Purity
1. “Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God.” Matthew 5:8
2. The common misconception is that chastity means “no to sex.” It is usually viewed as being on God’s list of DONT’s
3. In all actuality, chastity is all about sex! Simply put, chastity is a big YES to God’s plan for sexuality
4. Chastity is saying yes to LOVE (vs. Lust) and it’s also about loving one another as brothers and sister sin Christ
5. Chastity is FREEDOM! Freedom from: slavery Romans 7:6
6. It enables us to channel our sexual desires in a way that allows us to love as God loves
7. How does God love? FREE, TOTAL, FAITHFUL, FRUITFUL
8. Chastity is not easy (was Christ’s love easy?) because “Chastity is a moral virtue.” But because it is a moral virtue (a habit), “It is also a gift from God, a grace. A fruit of the spiritual effort.” CCC 2345 also see CCC 1832 and Galatians 5:22
9. Romans 7:21-25 – the battle for chastity
10. In summary, chastity is an integration of one’s sexuality with the grace of the Holy Spirit, that reorders the heart towards the way of love, benefiting both neighbor and selfBeing pure is not being a “prude.” Being prudish means thinking sex is bad and dirty. Being chaste means respecting, protecting, and saving sex precisely because it is so valuable, beautiful, and wonderful
Dating With Purpose and Purity
1. The purpose of dating is to find a spouse
2. Granted, this probably isn’t what you’re thinking when you notice someone down the hallway in school!
3. Without a clear dating plan that has purpose and boundaries, your dating life will result in serious heartbreaks or more
4. We’ve learned what it means to be a man and a woman, and now we need to know what it takes to bring the two together – the right way
5. Through a life of chastity and authentic love not only can you enjoy good relationships that are pure, but also set yourself up for a future of happiness and romance without regret
6. A lot of people start dating at a very young age
7. What’s the point of dating anyway?
8. The modern practice of dating is less than 100 years old. Before the car was around and a guy could pick up a girl without approaching a family, a man would “court” a woman in the presence of her family with the hope of marrying her
9. With the family largely out of the picture, dating with the goal of marriage soon fell out of sight and dating became something to do for recreation
**With this recreational approach to dating, a person ends up breaking up with each person they date, except for the one that becomes their spouse.
**Does this sound like good preparation for a lifelong marriage???
**It doesn’t take dating to get to know someone to see if they are the type of person you like or not
10. If the ultimate purpose of dating is to find a spouse, and you date for recreation, you’re just training yourself in the habit of failed relationships!
11. Don’t date someone unless you see yourself marrying them!!!
12. Casual dating increases the likelihood of sexual activity and did you know that the greatest correlation to divorce is the number of sexual partners one has before marriage?
The Relationship Pyramid
1. Imagine a pyramid: at the base is friendship, the most basic of human relationships
2. As you move higher the different levels include: Getting to Know the Person Better, Getting to Know the Person’s Family Better, Exclusive Relationship, Engagement, and Marriage. At the top is the Intimacy of Sex
3. Now, what would happen if you tried to build the pyramid upside down, trying to balance it on the point of the pyramid? It would collapse from all the weight at the top
4. At the very least, it would fall over and get damaged…
5. The same happens when you begin a relationship with sexual activity, in hopes that friendship and love will follow – it doesn’t work!
6. Not only is it contrary to God’s plan for love, but the relationship most likely ends up collapsing or really hurting the persons involved
The Courtship Alternative
1. Should you date only the person you marry? Should you hang out with their family on your dates? Oh boy, that sounds like fun!
2. Actually, there are practical and fun ways you can apply the principals of old-fashioned courtship to help you find real love
3. BUT, why should you be thinking about marriage when you’re just a teenager? How do you know if a person is marriage material?
4. ANSWER: Every person is called to love, called to “marriage,” either to an earthly spouse or as a spouse to the Church. We should be discerning who we are called to love from an early age so that life isn’t filled with broken hearts…
5. How can you figure out if a person is marriage material? à the short answer is that you make smart choices that will help you discover as much “data” as possible while keeping your head clear
6. “Courting” teaches you to be friends first before jumping into a romantic relationship
7. It allows you to get to know their family and friends, how they treat others, their level of faith – without infatuation clouding the answers
8. Yes, our desire to find love may cause us to be impatient and want that person now, but we’ve all heard that the best comes to those who wait
9. Taking time to be friends and getting to know someone does a few things:
**It holds our lust accountable and we have to ask ourselves: is this person worth waiting for?
**It allows us to see them in different situations – to see how they handle things and treat others
**“Courting” brings the family into the equation because they can provide good advice
1. In order to date the best way possible you must understand yourself and your desires
2. We not only need to know how to control our desires but also how to direct them towards the true, good, and beautiful
3. Dating may be fun, but it’s purpose is much, much deeper…
Chastity: The Path to Purity
1. “Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God.” Matthew 5:8
2. The common misconception is that chastity means “no to sex.” It is usually viewed as being on God’s list of DONT’s
3. In all actuality, chastity is all about sex! Simply put, chastity is a big YES to God’s plan for sexuality
4. Chastity is saying yes to LOVE (vs. Lust) and it’s also about loving one another as brothers and sister sin Christ
5. Chastity is FREEDOM! Freedom from: slavery Romans 7:6
6. It enables us to channel our sexual desires in a way that allows us to love as God loves
7. How does God love? FREE, TOTAL, FAITHFUL, FRUITFUL
8. Chastity is not easy (was Christ’s love easy?) because “Chastity is a moral virtue.” But because it is a moral virtue (a habit), “It is also a gift from God, a grace. A fruit of the spiritual effort.” CCC 2345 also see CCC 1832 and Galatians 5:22
9. Romans 7:21-25 – the battle for chastity
10. In summary, chastity is an integration of one’s sexuality with the grace of the Holy Spirit, that reorders the heart towards the way of love, benefiting both neighbor and selfBeing pure is not being a “prude.” Being prudish means thinking sex is bad and dirty. Being chaste means respecting, protecting, and saving sex precisely because it is so valuable, beautiful, and wonderful
Dating With Purpose and Purity
1. The purpose of dating is to find a spouse
2. Granted, this probably isn’t what you’re thinking when you notice someone down the hallway in school!
3. Without a clear dating plan that has purpose and boundaries, your dating life will result in serious heartbreaks or more
4. We’ve learned what it means to be a man and a woman, and now we need to know what it takes to bring the two together – the right way
5. Through a life of chastity and authentic love not only can you enjoy good relationships that are pure, but also set yourself up for a future of happiness and romance without regret
6. A lot of people start dating at a very young age
7. What’s the point of dating anyway?
8. The modern practice of dating is less than 100 years old. Before the car was around and a guy could pick up a girl without approaching a family, a man would “court” a woman in the presence of her family with the hope of marrying her
9. With the family largely out of the picture, dating with the goal of marriage soon fell out of sight and dating became something to do for recreation
**With this recreational approach to dating, a person ends up breaking up with each person they date, except for the one that becomes their spouse.
**Does this sound like good preparation for a lifelong marriage???
**It doesn’t take dating to get to know someone to see if they are the type of person you like or not
10. If the ultimate purpose of dating is to find a spouse, and you date for recreation, you’re just training yourself in the habit of failed relationships!
11. Don’t date someone unless you see yourself marrying them!!!
12. Casual dating increases the likelihood of sexual activity and did you know that the greatest correlation to divorce is the number of sexual partners one has before marriage?
The Relationship Pyramid
1. Imagine a pyramid: at the base is friendship, the most basic of human relationships
2. As you move higher the different levels include: Getting to Know the Person Better, Getting to Know the Person’s Family Better, Exclusive Relationship, Engagement, and Marriage. At the top is the Intimacy of Sex
3. Now, what would happen if you tried to build the pyramid upside down, trying to balance it on the point of the pyramid? It would collapse from all the weight at the top
4. At the very least, it would fall over and get damaged…
5. The same happens when you begin a relationship with sexual activity, in hopes that friendship and love will follow – it doesn’t work!
6. Not only is it contrary to God’s plan for love, but the relationship most likely ends up collapsing or really hurting the persons involved
The Courtship Alternative
1. Should you date only the person you marry? Should you hang out with their family on your dates? Oh boy, that sounds like fun!
2. Actually, there are practical and fun ways you can apply the principals of old-fashioned courtship to help you find real love
3. BUT, why should you be thinking about marriage when you’re just a teenager? How do you know if a person is marriage material?
4. ANSWER: Every person is called to love, called to “marriage,” either to an earthly spouse or as a spouse to the Church. We should be discerning who we are called to love from an early age so that life isn’t filled with broken hearts…
5. How can you figure out if a person is marriage material? à the short answer is that you make smart choices that will help you discover as much “data” as possible while keeping your head clear
6. “Courting” teaches you to be friends first before jumping into a romantic relationship
7. It allows you to get to know their family and friends, how they treat others, their level of faith – without infatuation clouding the answers
8. Yes, our desire to find love may cause us to be impatient and want that person now, but we’ve all heard that the best comes to those who wait
9. Taking time to be friends and getting to know someone does a few things:
**It holds our lust accountable and we have to ask ourselves: is this person worth waiting for?
**It allows us to see them in different situations – to see how they handle things and treat others
**“Courting” brings the family into the equation because they can provide good advice
Chill Out! You won’t become weird!
10. Many people in High School think they’re weird for not having a boyfriend or girlfriend
11. But, as much as they might miss having a date for every Friday night, they’re actually better off in the long run
12. When they finish HS they won’t feel like they’ve been through a teenage soap-opera and three emotional divorces!
13. As a result, teens who hold off on serious dating relationship give themselves a better chance to find their identity and their independence helps them to have more successful relationships in the long run
Where’s the Line?
1. We have all asked this question: How far is too far?
2. With this “what can I get away with” mindset, we will never understand chastity.
3. Why is this statement self-seeking? Is it oriented towards true love?
4. The right question to ask is: “God, how do You want me to live and love so I can find the happiness for which I really long?”
5. Christ said in the Sermon on the Mount: “Any man who looks upon another woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:25 This was not condemnation, but rather a call to purity deeper than actions, a purity of heart
6. Result: chastity is a framework of mind and of heart, not a boundary
7. The purpose of purity and chastity in dating is not to repress our desires, but to be free to love and be loved for the right reasons
What is the Answer?!
1. Repression? NO! Indulgence? NO! Then it must be REDEMPTION!
2. Redemption is a gift, only possible through the gift of the Spirit. It is a transformation of our sexual desires, views, and urges from how they have been twisted and distorted.
3. How do we receive redemption of our sexuality?
4. You already have!!! Ephesians 3:20 Christ died for this very purpose. But all need to experience this redemption deeper. The question is, how?
5. Easter Sunday doesn’t come without Good Friday. We are baptized into the death and resurrection of Christ.
6. Redemption comes when we turn our desires over to Christ and ask him to purify them and then, through the Holy Spirit, we are made pure!
7. “Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God.” Matthew 5:8 When we see the real beauty of the body, it is impossible to lust because we have no desire to do so. When we see the real beauty of the body, we are able to love as God loves. When we see the real beauty of the body, we see God face to face…
Being a Self-Master
1. If you’re not supposed to get married for another ten years or so, how are you supposed to stay pure in the meantime?
2. It’s reasonable to ask why God would give teenagers such powerful sexual desires when marriage is so far away
3. Having a desire when it isn’t appropriate to act on it gives us the opportunity to train us in faithfulness and self-mastery
4. Through self-denial required in living chastely, we learn the skills that will help make marriage last: patience, sacrifice, honesty, self-discipline, etc…
5. When we resist certain desires, we grow in virtue – we learn self-mastery
6. If a person doesn’t have self-control and can’t even say “No” to sex, then their “Yes: becomes meaningless
7. When someone is a “Self-Master” they (not their desires) control their actions and only they can image God and make a gift of themselves
8. Remember: purity is an act of love, not an absence of desire!
10. Many people in High School think they’re weird for not having a boyfriend or girlfriend
11. But, as much as they might miss having a date for every Friday night, they’re actually better off in the long run
12. When they finish HS they won’t feel like they’ve been through a teenage soap-opera and three emotional divorces!
13. As a result, teens who hold off on serious dating relationship give themselves a better chance to find their identity and their independence helps them to have more successful relationships in the long run
Where’s the Line?
1. We have all asked this question: How far is too far?
2. With this “what can I get away with” mindset, we will never understand chastity.
3. Why is this statement self-seeking? Is it oriented towards true love?
4. The right question to ask is: “God, how do You want me to live and love so I can find the happiness for which I really long?”
5. Christ said in the Sermon on the Mount: “Any man who looks upon another woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:25 This was not condemnation, but rather a call to purity deeper than actions, a purity of heart
6. Result: chastity is a framework of mind and of heart, not a boundary
7. The purpose of purity and chastity in dating is not to repress our desires, but to be free to love and be loved for the right reasons
What is the Answer?!
1. Repression? NO! Indulgence? NO! Then it must be REDEMPTION!
2. Redemption is a gift, only possible through the gift of the Spirit. It is a transformation of our sexual desires, views, and urges from how they have been twisted and distorted.
3. How do we receive redemption of our sexuality?
4. You already have!!! Ephesians 3:20 Christ died for this very purpose. But all need to experience this redemption deeper. The question is, how?
5. Easter Sunday doesn’t come without Good Friday. We are baptized into the death and resurrection of Christ.
6. Redemption comes when we turn our desires over to Christ and ask him to purify them and then, through the Holy Spirit, we are made pure!
7. “Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God.” Matthew 5:8 When we see the real beauty of the body, it is impossible to lust because we have no desire to do so. When we see the real beauty of the body, we are able to love as God loves. When we see the real beauty of the body, we see God face to face…
Being a Self-Master
1. If you’re not supposed to get married for another ten years or so, how are you supposed to stay pure in the meantime?
2. It’s reasonable to ask why God would give teenagers such powerful sexual desires when marriage is so far away
3. Having a desire when it isn’t appropriate to act on it gives us the opportunity to train us in faithfulness and self-mastery
4. Through self-denial required in living chastely, we learn the skills that will help make marriage last: patience, sacrifice, honesty, self-discipline, etc…
5. When we resist certain desires, we grow in virtue – we learn self-mastery
6. If a person doesn’t have self-control and can’t even say “No” to sex, then their “Yes: becomes meaningless
7. When someone is a “Self-Master” they (not their desires) control their actions and only they can image God and make a gift of themselves
8. Remember: purity is an act of love, not an absence of desire!
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