Week 8

Theology of the Body
Week 8
Purity of Heart: Tackling Tough Issues

“This is my command: Love one another as I love you.” John 15:12

“It should cause no surprise that the church, and less than her Divine Founder, is destined to be a ‘sign of contradiction.’” (Luke 2:34) Humane Vitae

**NOTE: Because of the awesome conversations we had these topics, plus those we didn't get to, will continue next week!

Recap of our study so far:
1. What is a sacrament? It is a physical sign that points to a spiritual reality. It can also convey God’s grace
2. There are 2 parts: the US to GOD and the GOD to US

3. How are the body and sex a sacrament?
4. Sexual union, the two becoming “one flesh” makes visible the invisible mystery of God’s Love…this is huge!
5. God created sex to point to who He is: a communion of persons. God created sex to image His love with us (showing us that His plan is to be united to us forever…) and to give us grace
6. God says His love is FREE, TOTAL, FAITHFUL, FRUITFUL and he showed us by dying on the cross. Where do we also see this definition of love?
7. What is the main reason for abstaining from sex until marriage? Sex is meant to say the wedding vows with the body. Every time a married couple has sex, they are renewing their wedding vows! Our bodies speak a spiritual language and not only can they tell the truth, but they can also lie…This is why sex out of marriage is lying with our bodies
8. What is the purpose of dating?
9. How are dating and courtship different?

Tackling the Tough Issues
1. Tonight we will be talking about the “tough issues” when it comes to dating and relationships. My purpose is to present the truth and, knowing what I do from TOB, I will be held accountable by our Lord if I leave out the tough stuff just to be liked.
2. The great thing is that this is not what I am saying – this is what the Church says. I have not been and will not be presenting my own ideologies, even though I give examples from my own life.
3. I will say, however, that through TOB I have seen people who disagree with the Church on a lot of issues around sexuality be transformed and set free by what She teaches.
4. Just as we’ve mentioned before, the Church doesn’t have rules just to have them. It’s because She possesses the truth, and I think we’ve all seen that over these past 7 weeks
5. If the Church has spoken so openly and beautifully about sex and it’s purpose (and we’ve seen a lot of hurt in this world in people who do the opposite), then She will also be open about the issues that cause so much division and even confusion around sex

At the root of it all…
1. There is one piece of reason at the root of…
2. We have talked about the reasons why sex and relationships were created and now it’s time to talk about the purpose of sex
3. There are two purposes of sex…but before we get into those let’s use a little analogy to understand them better
4. There are two purposes for eating – pleasure and nutrition. If you take away one of the purposes of eating, you end up with an eating disorder.
5. There are two purposes for sex – union and procreation. Similarly, if you take away one of the purposes of sex, it becomes “disordered”
6. Let’s look at some of the ways sex has become disordered…

Abortion
1. Revelation 12:6 --> Satan is waiting to "devour the child..."
2. We’ve looked at the analogy between the Trinity and the union between a man and a woman. We’ve seen how the Holy Spirit is the Love produced by the Father and the Son and how children represent the love produced by a man and a woman
3. Satan hates children, he hates life! For every child that dies in abortion, it is one less person to worry about influencing the world for the good
4. Abortion removes the procreation purpose from sex
5. This is only a brief overview of the effects of abortion. In October we had an awesome speaker here talk even more in depth
6. Abortion is one of the most common surgical procedures in the world, but the average person knows almost nothing of its gruesome reality
7. Every 20 seconds a child is murdered by abortion, in our country alone
8. It quietly destroys over 4,000 innocent human beings a day in the U.S. and 130,000 a day worldwide. It is a silent holocaust...
9. We can talk about all the statistics we want, but let’s get to the reasons why people have and say there should be legal abortion
10. Reasons women have abortion: 3/4 say that having a baby would interfere with work, school or other responsibilities; about 3/4 say they cannot afford a child; and 1/2 say they do not want to be a single parent or are having problems with their husband or partner
11. I though abortion was made legal for privacy and health reasons only???
12. Some argue that women should be able to have abortions because of endangerment to heath in pregnancy, rape, and incest.
13. Women who have been abused in incest are often forced to have an abortion to cover up the sexual abuse. Women who’ve been raped think an abortion will bring them closure, but it often increases the pain. And let’s look at a new Saint who gave her life in childbirth for her unborn daughter…
14. Late-term and Partial Birth abortions are extremely gruesome and if people actually knew what happened, many hearts would be changed
15. We must get educated, we must NOT be silent, we must be a support to pregnant women who feel like they have no choice, we must act in whatever way God calls us because being silent about abortion is worst thing we could do…
16. Just to think about: if murder is illegal and we can show it on TV, why can’t we show an abortion, which is legal? What is it that they don’t want us to know?

17. Finally, we MUST be a support to women who are pregnant and also to spread the Good News about Sex in order that people don't get themselves in situations that go against God's plan and purpose for sex.

Homosexuality
1. First I will argue this topic without using God or Faith to show you that the reason God gave us is enough to understand this tough issue. And since there has been much contention over Same-Sex "marriage" these days, let's start there.
2. Definitions:
·Marriage: 1)the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law
2) an intimate or close union
·Union: an act or instance of uniting or joining two or m ore things into one
·*This is important for understanding why homosexuals cannot enter into marriage or civil unions.
3. Every person, whether heterosexual or homosexual, is subject to legal restrictions as to whom they may marry.
·While every individual person is free to get married, no person, whether heterosexual or homosexual, has ever had a legal right to marry simply any willing partner.
·The fundamental "right to marry" is a right that rests with individuals, not with couples. Homosexual individuals already have exactly the same "right" to marry as anyone else. Marriage license applications do not inquire as to a person's "sexual orientation."
4. Marriage is not a way of simply recognizing people who love each other and want to spend their lives together.
a. If love and companionship were sufficient to define marriage, then there would be no reason to deny “marriage” to unions of a child and an adult, to roommates who have no sexual relations, or to groups rather than couples.
b. Love and companionship are usually considered integral to marriage in our culture but they are not sufficient to define them as an institution
5. Even adding a sexual relationship to love and companionship does not constitute it as “marriage.”
c. The Supreme Court, in Lawrence vs. Texas, ruled that sodomy laws are unconstitutional. Ironically, the Court’s ruling that sex need not be (legally) confined to marriage undermine any argument that sex alone is a defining characteristic of marriage. There must be something more.
6. So, what IS marriage?
d. Homosexual relationships cannot be reasoned as “marriage” by fact of natural law. That is, they do not fit the minimum necessary condition for a marriage to exist – namely, a physical union
e. Indeed, the facts that a child cannot reproduce, that close relatives cannot reproduce without risk, and that it only takes one man and one woman to reproduce, are among the reasons why people are barred from marrying a child, a close blood relative, or a person who is already married. Concerns about reproduction are central to those restrictions on one's choice of marriage partner--just as they are central to the restriction against "marrying" a person of the same sex.
7. Homosexuality removes both the unitive and procreative purposes of sex
8. Now for the reasoning by FAITH:
*The three persons of the Trinity make ONE God
*This is why God made men and women: to image the Trinity
*Men and Women can come together, in their bodies, to image God
*Two men and Two women cannot be physically united and cannot image God with their “acts” (What they “do” is not sex. Sex is a union.)
*God’s love is Free, Total, Faithful and Fruitful, and our love is called to be the same
*We profess these “vows” (to be Free, Total, Faithful and Fruitful) in the marriage rite; Homosexual acts can be “argued” they are “free and faithful”, but they are not fruitful or total. They cannot bear children through the natural sexual act and they are not giving of themselves totally. (Studies also will show that a majority homosexual relationships are not faithful)
9. What should we do if we know someone who is homosexual or we feel these tendencies ourselves?
10. First of all, distinctions must be made:
Homosexual Desire: the “desire” to be with someone of the same gender: not a sin
Homosexual Act: acting out the desire: is considered a sin
11. Second, know that we all have crosses to bear and there are always people to help us
12. COURAGE: a group of homosexual Catholics who support each other in the sincere effort to be chaste and live faithfully to the Church, and tries to conform human lives to the teaching of Christ’s Church

More on this topic:

• The main argument for homosexuality is that people are "born" with same-sex attraction.
• In all actuality, people are no more born with same-sex attractions as they are born alcoholic or are born depressed
• Homosexuality is ultimately a choice
• Using alcoholism as an example, people don't necessarily "choose" to become alcoholic. However, there is usually a trigger that sets off the alcoholism in a person: abuse, bad relationships, the wrong situations, etc.
• Ultimately the alcoholic does have a choice: to continue drinking because it feels good or to turn from his disordered habits and choose what it true, good, and beautiful
• The same is for those with homosexual tendencies. There are triggers that set off same-sex attractions. People don't choose to be homosexual out of the blue.
• Once same-sex attractions are realized, it is KEY that the person look back on his or her life to identify the triggers to see how this has manifested in their life
• The Catholic Church is not oppressive when it comes to the Truth that homosexuality is "disordered" (Disorder is not of the right order, going against Natural Law)
• In fact, following what Romans 12:6 has to say, She wants us to live the most happy and fulfilling life as possible, with Christ as our center!
• People with same-sex attractions are called to live a chaste life. This may sound oppressive, however, it is actually one of the most freeing ways to live
• Here is what COURAGE has to say:
  
  This antagonism is heard so often that many Church people half believe it and think the Church condemns and excludes people with homosexual feelings. Young people especially begin to think their Church is cruel, which is tragic because they start to distrust the Church on other matters. First of all, no one is condemned or excluded by Catholic teaching or policy for homosexuality. And secondly, the Church is not singling out any one type of sexual sin. The Church says adultery, polygamy, and any other form of sexual activity outside the marriage of a man and a woman are all harmful and wrong. And that’s the Church’s job, to be a lighthouse and guide us away from dangerous waters. The Church’s sole mission is to lead people to salvation. In fact, by guiding all people to chastity, the Church saves countless lives which would otherwise be lost to AIDS. The failure rate for condoms in preventing HIV infection for "gay" (and "straight") sex is extremely high. Seeing those harms and many others, the Church must speak. Love demands it.

Please visit COURAGE for more information.

10 Tips to Help You Stay Pure

1. Pray for purity every morning. Don’t repress sexual desires, but pray for their redemption. (3 Hail Mary’s are a great way to do this!)

2. Avoid impure relationships before they begin

3. Once in a relationship, avoid places and situations in which you’re likely to fall into sin and temptation

4. Know your boundaries before you’re tempted, and make sure your date knows them before you even start dating them. This may mean you need to have a specific discussion about it.
5. Choose friends who will help you grow in purity.

6. Double date or group date with friends who have high standards.

7. Get rid of impure TV, magazines (including Cosmo, ladies!), and music. Remember: garbage in = garbage out! St. Paul tells us: “If there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise think about these things.” (Phil 4:8)

8. Listen to the advice of your wisest friends and family members who are committed Christians.

9. Try to go to Confession at least once a month

10. If things are going too far, don’t be afraid to say “No.”

Undoubtedly, at some point in a relationship your conscience will point you in one direction while your hormones tug you in another. Your conscience is a “smoke alarm” letting you know danger is just around the corner. The more you form your conscience to the wisdom of God and His Church, the more capable you’ll be in maintaining pure relationships.

Week 7 - Dating

Theology of the Body
Week 7
Purity of Heart: Living TOB in our Daily Lives

“This is my command: Love one another as I love you.” John 15:12

“I call heaven and earth to witness against you this day, that have set before you life and death, blessing and curse; therefore choose life.” Deuteronomy 30:19

“It should cause no surprise that the church, and less than her Divine Founder, is destined to be a ‘sign of contradiction.’” (Luke 2:34) Humane Vitae

Recap of The Language of the Body
1. What is a sacrament? It is a physical sign that points to a spiritual reality. It can also convey God’s grace
2. There are 2 parts: the US to GOD (the physical) and the GOD to US (the spiritual)
3. The body is a physical sign that communicates a spiritual mystery à God’s Love
4. Sexual union, the two becoming “one flesh” makes visible the invisible mystery of God’s Love…this is huge!
5. God created sex to point to who He is: a communion of persons. God created sex to image His love with us (showing us that His plan is to be united to us forever…) and to give us grace
6. God says His love is FREE, TOTAL, FAITHFUL, FRUITFUL and he showed us by dying on the cross
7. We also see this definition of love in the marriage vows
8. Many people have told me, “I want to wait until I’m married to have sex, but I don’t know why.” Here is the WHY: Sex is saying your wedding vows with your body!
9. Words without actions are a waste, and God created something so beautiful, so amazing to do with our bodies that would demonstrate our vows to one another – freely, totally, faithfully, fruitfully
10. Every time a married couple has sex, they are renewing their wedding vows!
11. Remember Tobit 8:7-9?
12. Our bodies speak a spiritual language and not only can they tell the truth, but they can also lie…

Directing our desires
1. In order to date the best way possible you must understand yourself and your desires
2. We not only need to know how to control our desires but also how to direct them towards the true, good, and beautiful
3. Dating may be fun, but it’s purpose is much, much deeper…

Chastity: The Path to Purity
1. “Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God.” Matthew 5:8
2. The common misconception is that chastity means “no to sex.” It is usually viewed as being on God’s list of DONT’s
3. In all actuality, chastity is all about sex! Simply put, chastity is a big YES to God’s plan for sexuality
4. Chastity is saying yes to LOVE (vs. Lust) and it’s also about loving one another as brothers and sister sin Christ
5. Chastity is FREEDOM! Freedom from: slavery Romans 7:6
6. It enables us to channel our sexual desires in a way that allows us to love as God loves
7. How does God love? FREE, TOTAL, FAITHFUL, FRUITFUL
8. Chastity is not easy (was Christ’s love easy?) because “Chastity is a moral virtue.” But because it is a moral virtue (a habit), “It is also a gift from God, a grace. A fruit of the spiritual effort.” CCC 2345 also see CCC 1832 and Galatians 5:22
9. Romans 7:21-25 – the battle for chastity
10. In summary, chastity is an integration of one’s sexuality with the grace of the Holy Spirit, that reorders the heart towards the way of love, benefiting both neighbor and selfBeing pure is not being a “prude.” Being prudish means thinking sex is bad and dirty. Being chaste means respecting, protecting, and saving sex precisely because it is so valuable, beautiful, and wonderful

Dating With Purpose and Purity
1. The purpose of dating is to find a spouse
2. Granted, this probably isn’t what you’re thinking when you notice someone down the hallway in school!
3. Without a clear dating plan that has purpose and boundaries, your dating life will result in serious heartbreaks or more
4. We’ve learned what it means to be a man and a woman, and now we need to know what it takes to bring the two together – the right way
5. Through a life of chastity and authentic love not only can you enjoy good relationships that are pure, but also set yourself up for a future of happiness and romance without regret
6. A lot of people start dating at a very young age
7. What’s the point of dating anyway?
8. The modern practice of dating is less than 100 years old. Before the car was around and a guy could pick up a girl without approaching a family, a man would “court” a woman in the presence of her family with the hope of marrying her
9. With the family largely out of the picture, dating with the goal of marriage soon fell out of sight and dating became something to do for recreation
**With this recreational approach to dating, a person ends up breaking up with each person they date, except for the one that becomes their spouse.
**Does this sound like good preparation for a lifelong marriage???
**It doesn’t take dating to get to know someone to see if they are the type of person you like or not
10. If the ultimate purpose of dating is to find a spouse, and you date for recreation, you’re just training yourself in the habit of failed relationships!
11. Don’t date someone unless you see yourself marrying them!!!
12. Casual dating increases the likelihood of sexual activity and did you know that the greatest correlation to divorce is the number of sexual partners one has before marriage?

The Relationship Pyramid
1. Imagine a pyramid: at the base is friendship, the most basic of human relationships
2. As you move higher the different levels include: Getting to Know the Person Better, Getting to Know the Person’s Family Better, Exclusive Relationship, Engagement, and Marriage. At the top is the Intimacy of Sex
3. Now, what would happen if you tried to build the pyramid upside down, trying to balance it on the point of the pyramid? It would collapse from all the weight at the top
4. At the very least, it would fall over and get damaged…
5. The same happens when you begin a relationship with sexual activity, in hopes that friendship and love will follow – it doesn’t work!
6. Not only is it contrary to God’s plan for love, but the relationship most likely ends up collapsing or really hurting the persons involved

The Courtship Alternative
1. Should you date only the person you marry? Should you hang out with their family on your dates? Oh boy, that sounds like fun!
2. Actually, there are practical and fun ways you can apply the principals of old-fashioned courtship to help you find real love
3. BUT, why should you be thinking about marriage when you’re just a teenager? How do you know if a person is marriage material?
4. ANSWER: Every person is called to love, called to “marriage,” either to an earthly spouse or as a spouse to the Church. We should be discerning who we are called to love from an early age so that life isn’t filled with broken hearts…
5. How can you figure out if a person is marriage material? à the short answer is that you make smart choices that will help you discover as much “data” as possible while keeping your head clear
6. “Courting” teaches you to be friends first before jumping into a romantic relationship
7. It allows you to get to know their family and friends, how they treat others, their level of faith – without infatuation clouding the answers
8. Yes, our desire to find love may cause us to be impatient and want that person now, but we’ve all heard that the best comes to those who wait
9. Taking time to be friends and getting to know someone does a few things:
**It holds our lust accountable and we have to ask ourselves: is this person worth waiting for?
**It allows us to see them in different situations – to see how they handle things and treat others
**“Courting” brings the family into the equation because they can provide good advice

Chill Out! You won’t become weird!
10. Many people in High School think they’re weird for not having a boyfriend or girlfriend
11. But, as much as they might miss having a date for every Friday night, they’re actually better off in the long run
12. When they finish HS they won’t feel like they’ve been through a teenage soap-opera and three emotional divorces!
13. As a result, teens who hold off on serious dating relationship give themselves a better chance to find their identity and their independence helps them to have more successful relationships in the long run

Where’s the Line?
1. We have all asked this question: How far is too far?
2. With this “what can I get away with” mindset, we will never understand chastity.
3. Why is this statement self-seeking? Is it oriented towards true love?
4. The right question to ask is: “God, how do You want me to live and love so I can find the happiness for which I really long?”
5. Christ said in the Sermon on the Mount: “Any man who looks upon another woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:25 This was not condemnation, but rather a call to purity deeper than actions, a purity of heart
6. Result: chastity is a framework of mind and of heart, not a boundary
7. The purpose of purity and chastity in dating is not to repress our desires, but to be free to love and be loved for the right reasons
What is the Answer?!
1. Repression? NO! Indulgence? NO! Then it must be REDEMPTION!
2. Redemption is a gift, only possible through the gift of the Spirit. It is a transformation of our sexual desires, views, and urges from how they have been twisted and distorted.
3. How do we receive redemption of our sexuality?
4. You already have!!! Ephesians 3:20 Christ died for this very purpose. But all need to experience this redemption deeper. The question is, how?
5. Easter Sunday doesn’t come without Good Friday. We are baptized into the death and resurrection of Christ.
6. Redemption comes when we turn our desires over to Christ and ask him to purify them and then, through the Holy Spirit, we are made pure!
7. “Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God.” Matthew 5:8 When we see the real beauty of the body, it is impossible to lust because we have no desire to do so. When we see the real beauty of the body, we are able to love as God loves. When we see the real beauty of the body, we see God face to face…

Being a Self-Master
1. If you’re not supposed to get married for another ten years or so, how are you supposed to stay pure in the meantime?
2. It’s reasonable to ask why God would give teenagers such powerful sexual desires when marriage is so far away
3. Having a desire when it isn’t appropriate to act on it gives us the opportunity to train us in faithfulness and self-mastery
4. Through self-denial required in living chastely, we learn the skills that will help make marriage last: patience, sacrifice, honesty, self-discipline, etc…
5. When we resist certain desires, we grow in virtue – we learn self-mastery
6. If a person doesn’t have self-control and can’t even say “No” to sex, then their “Yes: becomes meaningless
7. When someone is a “Self-Master” they (not their desires) control their actions and only they can image God and make a gift of themselves
8. Remember: purity is an act of love, not an absence of desire!

Week 6 - The Language of the Body

Theology of the Body Week 6
The Language of the Body

“No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for a friend.” John 15:13

“If we live according to the truth of our sexuality, we fulfill the very meaning and being of our existence.” Pope John Paul II

“Love to be real, must cost – it must hurt – it must empty us of self.”
Blessed Teresa of Calcutta

In the beginning…
1. God created men and women in His image and likeness. God is Love, and we are made to reflect and point to His Love.
2. Once again, through the union of a man and woman in marriage, God makes visible His love for mankind and His plan to be eternally united with us in Heaven.
3. Until sin entered the world, man and woman knew how to love one another perfectly – without causing hurt or shame
4. They fulfilled “the very meaning and being of (their) existence” because, in their perfect love, they pointed to God and made an image of Him on earth. They also showed one another that their ultimate goal was to get each other to Heaven
5. As of the past 2 weeks, we know that men and women are equal but different. They are both called to LOVE but in different ways
6. Women are to be a reflection of Heaven in how they dress and act because a woman’s beauty shows a man what Heaven is like
7. Women are also supposed to guard and protect their bodies from objectification and shame because a woman has the supreme gift of bringing life into the world (whether spiritual or physical)
8. Men are to sacrifice for women and “lay down their life” for them, just as Christ did on the cross – to be a warrior
9. Men are also supposed to initiate love with women by pursuing them, and to protect women from their own lust – by treating them respectfully and allowing God to perfect their sexual desires

The Sacramentality of the Body
1. What is a sacrament? It is a physical sign that points to a spiritual reality. It can also convey God’s grace
2. There are 2 parts: the GOD to US and the US to GOD
3. There is always a physical and a spiritual element. Why? Because we are slow sometimes and can’t understand things if they aren’t tangible!
4. When it comes to religion, many people are used to an emphasis on just the spiritual, and sometimes we are uncomfortable with an emphasis on the physical
5. We can’t see God. As pure Spirit, he’s invisible. But how does God make Himself present to us? Through the physical!!
6. It is in and through the senses that we encounter God. EX: water, bread, wine, oil
7. Take Baptism for example. The physical element is the water and the words. Through the water and words, God forgives us of our Original Sin, which is the grace part that we can’t see
8. God created the body as a “sign” of his own divine mystery. God created the body as a sacrament to point to Him
9. Look at the Incarnation: The Word became FLESH
10. How do we know who God is? Through Jesus Christ, who became FLESH
11. The body is a physical sign that communicates a spiritual mystery à God’s Love
12. Sexual union, the two becoming “one flesh” makes visible the invisible mystery of God’s Love…this is huge!
13. God created sex to point to who He is: a communion of persons. God created sex to image His love with us (showing us that His plan is to be united to us forever…) and to give us grace

Jesus Christ is the Greatest Sacrament!

What is God’s Love?
1. Free: “…I lay down my life in order to take it up again.” John 10:17
2. Total: “As the Father loves me, so I also love you.” John 15:9
3. Faithful: “But God proves His love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
4. Fruitful: “In this way the love of God was revealed to us; God sent His only Son into the world so that we might have life through him.” 1John 4:9
5. Jesus didn’t just say these things to us – He SHOWED us how much he loved us. This is why words without actions are a waste. He gave His body for us and asks us to do the same for one another
6. Sex is a major way of communicating, with actions, how much we love someone – because love is not a feeling, it is not just words – love is an action
7. So, why can’t we have sex all the time and with whoever we want, if it shows who God is?
8. Because, by definition, God’s Love is FREE, TOTAL, FAITHFUL and FRUITFUL and if our love is not professed as the same, we are lying with our bodies
9. Where do we see FTFF? In the wedding vows!!!

10. Many people have told me, “I want to wait until I’m married to have sex, but I don’t know why.”
11. Here is the WHY: Sex is saying your wedding vows with your body!
12. Words without actions are a waste, and God created something so beautiful, so amazing to do with our bodies that would demonstrate our vows to one another – freely, totally, faithfully, fruitfully
13. Every time a married couple has sex, they are renewing their wedding vows!

The Language of the Body
1. Who has ever heard of the term: body language? What does this indicate?
2. Did you know that just as our bodies speak a physical language, they can speak a spiritual language too?
3. Just as our bodies can speak the truth of God’s magnificent plan, they can also lie.
4. This is why sex out of marriage is a lie! It’s not because someone said no, but because you are proclaiming something with your body that can’t be true!
5. A married couple is renewing their vows every time they have sex. A non-married couple has nothing to renew! They are saying with their bodies that they will be FTFF without actually committing it first!

The Consequences of a Lie
1. Lies have personal consequences:
a. They separate us internally from the ones we actually love
b. They can eat away at us
c. They build up and snowball
d. They have real, physical consequences (in this case, STD’s,
2. Lies have relational consequences:
a. They separate us externally from the ones we love
b. Lying is destructive of society; it undermines trust among men and tears apart the fabric of social relationships CCC 2486
c. It leads other people astray – our actions don’t just affect ourselves
d. None of us lives to himself. If one member suffers, all suffer together… 1Cor 12:26
e. Lies in sex lead men and women to use one another, and we end up empty, alone, confused, and searching even more
3. Lies have eternal consequences
a. They separate us from God
b. God knows us better than ourselves Psalm 139 – we can’t escape from His Truth!
c. Death is the consequence to sin

What happens when the vows are flipped?
1. What happens when you take the wedding vows, applied to sex, and flip them upside down?
2. Instead of sex being free, it is pressured at the end of a date, forced in sexual abuse, and paid for in prostitution and pornography
3. Instead of sex being a total gift of self, we have one-night stands, supposedly “safe” sex, and husbands and wives withholding their fertility from one another
4. Instead of promoting faithfulness and fidelity, we have shows like Sex and the City and Desperate Housewives dominating our view of relationships
5. Instead of being fruitful, the act of sex is sterilized with contraception and abortion
6. What happens if I have flipped the vows upside down and made mistakes? --> we will talk more about this soon, but for now, know that God’s mercy is so incredible that we can be made new again!

Is the Church down on sex?
1. Some people think that the Catholic Church is “out of touch” when it comes to sex and sexuality
2. This couldn’t be further from the truth! The reason the Church has so many “rules” when it comes to sex is because she knows the truth and beauty it actually contains!
3. There are rules when we drive to make sure we aren’t crashing into and killing each other on the road
4. The same goes when it comes to sex…
5. The Catholic Church wants us to live an awesome life and experience true freedom and true love
6. EXAMPLE: did you know that the canopy (baldacchino) built over most altars in Catholic Church actually represents the canopy over a marriage bed? The symbolism reminds us that on the altar during the Mass, the Bridegroom (Christ) gives His Body (the Eucharist) to His Bride (the Church) that we might have eternal life!
7. The Church calls the marriage bed “the altar of the home”!!!

The Truth will set you free…
1. Freedom is not being able to do what you want, whenever you want. This is called “license.” The world’s view of freedom actually causes us to be a slave to our emotions and desires
2. Freedom is actually the ability to desire and choose the good
3. JP II says “Freedom without responsibilities is the opposite of love.”
4. Freedom is not about escaping rules. Authentic freedom is about accepting and living out the truth of who we are created to be (children of God) and for what we are created (love and communion)
5. Being free to love as God loves doesn’t come easy – it only comes through God’s grace
6. Once we allow God to change our hearts, the moral life becomes a life not about rules but about love. We obey God’s commands not because we have to but because we want to
7. Selfishness really does lead to misery. God created us to be a gift to others and in living the opposite of this we become unfulfilled
8. It’s sometimes fun to do things our way – but only for a while. Soon the excitement of one-night stands and living with our boyfriend or girlfriend wears off and we are left empty
9. Living in the Truth of Christ and His Church sets us free and opens our hearts to be the men and women we are created to be

“If you continue in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth and the truth will make you free.” John 8:31-32

Week 5 - What it means to be a man

Theology of the Body Week 5
Living True Manhood in Christ

“No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for a friend.” John 15:13

“Jesus Christ, in the revelation of the mystery of God and His love, fully reveals man to himself and makes his supreme calling clear.” Gaudium Et Spes 22

“If we live according to the truth of our sexuality, we fulfill the very meaning and being of our existence.” Pope John Paul II

In the beginning…
1. God created men and women in His image and likeness. God is Love, and we are made to reflect and point to His Love.
2. Once again, through the union of a man and woman in marriage, God makes visible His love for mankind and His plan to be eternally united with us in Heaven.
3. God’s love is FREE, TOTAL, FAITHFUL and FRUITFUL. Our love must be the same…
4. However, our calling to love one another is often warped by sin
5. Instead of giving, men resort to taking. Instead of seeing the woman as a sister in humanity, he reduces her to an object of his lust
6. By looking at the way God designed our body and desires, we can learn who we are as men and how we should live

The Meaning of Masculinity
1. What is the most important question a man could ask himself?
2. Men: there is a reason why we are fascinated by women’s bodies: God made us that way!
3. The closer you get to God, the more you become who He made you to be as a man
4. Your sexual drive will not be eliminated – it will be perfected in Love
5. According to society, who or what is a man?
6. Is this what God planned from the beginning? Then, why do we believe it?
7. Once again, we must uncover the lies of Satan from their origin, and untwist what is good, pure, and true!

Initiating Love – What it means to be a man…
1. Just as women, men are called to LOVE
2. But, men and women aren’t the same, they are equal but different
3. So, men are called to love in a distinctly different way than women. Women are called to love through receiving and conceiving where as men are called to love through initiating a gift of themselves.“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her…Ephesians 5:25
4. The man initiates love because he is the man – it isn’t what he ought to do, it is part of who he is
5. When you consider the anatomy of a man, it is obvious he is the one who initiates the gift of himself to the woman
6. Christ repeatedly refers to Himself as the BRIDEGROOM
7. Men: don’t be ashamed into thinking you are bad for having strong sexual desires. When you see a woman, God designed your entire being to respond!
8. God says that women are an earthly reflection of paradise. When we get to Heaven we will realize God is the ultimate delight of our eyes. Until then, women foreshadow the beauty of Heaven itself!
9. Just as God initiates love with us, men are to initiate this love with a woman according to God’s demands of true love
10. Just as God did, men are also to initiate LIFE
11. A young man must choose wisely when and through who he will bring life into the world
12. By abstaining from sex until he is married a young man is doing what is best for his future children by not conceiving them yet…He sacrifices his desires for the good of others…He postpones gratification…He is a real man
13. Instead of abstaining, some men gamble with the future of others and if their girlfriend does “accidentally” get pregnant some either blame her or pay for her to “take care of it”
14. Remember men, that Satan hates women, he hates children, he hates life. He will even use you to destroy women, children, and, yes, even life.
15. The mission of being a father is something every man is called to do – no matter what their vocation is
16. But, we should not engage in the act that creates a family until we are prepared to bear the responsibility for one
17. If God chose to reveal Himself as Father, you can be sure that the devil will use every weapon to tarnish the earthly image of fatherhood

The Fall of Man(hood)
1. To discover the meaning of manhood, we must look at the two Adams: Adam, and Christ (the new Adam)
2. In the beginning, Adam understood his call to love as God intended, and he loved his bride rightly. This is why “the man and his wife were naked and felt no shame.” Genesis 2:25
3. What went wrong? Why did Adam fail?
4. Adam doubted the love of the Father and chose not to obey God’s plan for his manhood.
5. In Genesis 2:15 God tells Adam that it is his job to cultivate and protect the Garden of Eden.
6. The Garden of Eden is also a metaphor for the woman. Remember Song of Songs 4:12: “You are a garden enclosed, my sister my bride.”
7. So, essentially Adam’s duty was to protect both his wife and the garden.
8. In doubting the love of the Father, Adam denies his duties willed by God and allowed Satan access to his wife, the very life he was called to protect above his own.
9. As Satan tempts Eve, Adam stands by and watched Satan put his wife to death, Genesis 3:6, and his role as a man becomes further distorted.
10. The first result of sin is: SHAME
11. Why were Adam and Eve ashamed?
12. In this case, Adam, who once loved purely as God loves by making a complete self-sacrificial gift of himself to his bride, now looked upon Eve with lust and no longer desired to make a selfless gift of himself to her.
13. Just as Satan disoriented the meaning of woman’s sexuality through sin, he disoriented the man’s desires – opening him up to an enslaving emotion of lust
14. Lust is the absence of LOVE
15. If God is love, then lust is the absence of GOD
16. Lust = Satan’s attack to object women and confuse masculinity, to take humanity away from the plan of God.
What happened after sin?
17. As a man, Adam should have accepted responsibility for “falling down at his post” and allowing Satan access to his wife. However, he does the opposite and blames both the woman and God: “The woman whom you put here with me – she gave me the fruit of the tree so I ate it.” Genesis 3:12
18. Just as Eve failed to trust in the love of God and chose to take for herself, Adam failed too. Did he participate in the manhood planned by God? No!
19. Our hearts are now a battlefield between love and lust
20. How does sin effect men?
· Man’s view changed from giving love to “getting some” à and knowing how to push a woman’s buttons to get her to give him what he wants…
· Man became passive towards woman and allowed her to do the imitating
· Others are wrapped up in pornography – “the woman on the screen never says no”
· Even masturbation and oral sex say that “all I want is my own gratification”
21. Man’s problem is not the beauty of the woman’s body. His problem is that he must re-learn how to “look” at her
22. But…all is not lost!

Consequently, just as the result of one trespass was condemnation for all men, so also the result of one act of righteousness was justification that brings life for all men. For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous…Just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Romans 5:18-19,21

Restoring Real Manhood Through the New Adam
Why did Christ come?
1. Christ did not come to give us coping mechanisms to deal with our sins! Christ came to set us FREE!!! To restore God’s original plan from the beginning!!! To untwist the meaning of masculinity and femininity…
Why did Christ come as a man?
2. Christ came to physically reveal the fatherhood of God.
3. God is Father because he initiated the gift of life
4. He came as the bridegroom to physically give His body to His bride on the cross
5. Christ came as a man also because men are called to initiate love by making a gift of that love to his bride. “We love because He first loved us.” 1John 4:19
6. Because of sin, the love of God dies in the hearts of man. Christ came to breathe the breath of life back into His people so we can once again love in the image and likeness of God.
How was Christ’s response to manhood different from Adam’s?
7. Just as Eve doubted and Mary surrendered in complete faith, Adam cowardly backed down but Christ did the opposite!
8. Instead of allowing Satan to attack His Bride, Christ took the attack upon his back and endured it until it killed him. Christ succeeded to make a self-sacrificial gift of himself. The TREE now becomes the source of eternal life, a choice of pure love
“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends”
John 15:13
9. The battle is for the dignity of the Bride, as individuals and as the Church. Men are then called to be the defender and protector of women’s dignity.
10. Then Pilate took Jesus and had him flogged. 2The soldiers twisted together a crown of thorns and put it on his head. They clothed him in a purple robe 3and went up to him again and again, saying, “Hail, king of the Jews!” And they struck him in the face…When Jesus came out wearing the crown of thorns and the purple robe, Pilate said to them, “BEHOLD THE MAN!” John 19:1-6
11. This is the meaning of manhood! Why did Christ suffer the Passion? So he could lay down His life out of love for His bride…

The Way Christ Loved His Bride
1. Freely: “…I lay down my life in order to take it up again.” John 10:17
2. Totally: “As the Father loves me, so I also love you.” John 15:9
3. Faithfully: “But God proves His love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
4. Fruitfully: “In this way the love of God was revealed to us; God sent His only Son into the world so that we might have life through him.” 1John 4:9
5. Gentlemen, this is your call! “Husbands love your wives even as Christ loved the Church and handed Himself over for her.” Ephesians 5:25

Man as a Warrior
1. Strength has always been associated with masculinity
2. The strength of the male body points to something deeper à it reveals the interior strength men possess
3. True masculinity requires interior strength – especially to overcome lust
4. God is a warrior, but often enough we don’t hear of him this way.
5. God fights for His beloved – He isn’t weak and doesn’t back down from a fight
6. Too many people have tried to feminize men and God. The result is fewer men at church, and fewer real “men” in general
7. Rarely will a man ever have to literally die for his bride. But, men, if you really want to be a warrior and die for her, let your lust die. Guard her soul. Protect her eternal life…

“Christ assigns the dignity of every woman as a task to every man.”

JP II

Pursue Her!!!
1. Remember how men are to initiate love?
2. The Book of Tobit gives us a glimpse of how to love a woman…Tobit 8:4-9
3. Although Tobias “yearned deeply” for his beautiful bride, he pursued her with sincerity and not because of lust
4. A woman knows the difference between being looked upon as an object and being viewed as a daughter of God
5. Often men are portrayed as “womanizers” (which isn’t fair…)
6. Society says that gay men are the only non-threatening males that are as friends to women

There is a need for a crusade of manliness and purity…

St. Josemaria Escriva

The Mission of Men
1. Men: Who will you be for women?
2. Your answer to this question will determine the measure of your masculinity
3. Should you ever lose sight of what it means to be a man, imagine Jesus hanging on the cross saying: “This is how I got my bride to Heaven. How else do you think you’ll get yours there?”
4. Although marriage or the priesthood may seem far away, the way you live today will form the person you are a decade from now. How are men to live?
YOU ask out the girl – take the fear of rejection off her
Be a gentleman – know that because you are a man, you represent who God is to women
· Treat her like a sister, first – protect her like a sister
· Give your life and struggles to Christ everyday and allow Him to change your lust into love
· Remember the strength that God gave you to be a man
· Don’t be afraid of what true love will “cost” you

“Behold the Man…”

John 19:6